Wanderer

I once thought that I was lost..
Walking aimlessly through life
With no reason or no purpose
Always questioning and never living.

I felt that Life would deprive me of what I wanted,
and give me plenty of what I didn’t want.
Everyday was a battle with my Self,
A battle with my mind.

It was a continuous search for something that I was never going to find.
Something that was intangible, unable to be seen.

What I was looking for was a feeling,
A feeling that I’d once felt.
A feeling that would disappear once I started searching outside of myself.
A feeling that was repressed by my desire to question everything.

Each day, Life presents me with a choice.
A choice to suffer or a choice to live.
Suffering is optional.
It was something that I became familiar with.
It became a plague in my mind, relentless and debilitating.

Always thinking about what I didn’t have
Always thinking about what I desired to have
Always thinking.

I have not always made the best choices
and continue to make choices that to some, might be wrong.
But I have never appreciated Life for giving me the option to choose!
Right or wrong, I live for every moment.
Every experience, every choice.

I stopped looking and started embracing.
I have told myself this many times, wrote about it, thought about it…
Forced myself to believe that I had found what I was looking for
when really, I didn’t know what it was.

I will continue to wander through life
because that is who I am.
But I will walk with a purpose and a reason to smile.

That reason is Life.