Ego

You’re a part of me but much different than I
You get angry, jealous, bitter and try to control my life.
I sometimes wonder who’s thoughts are in my head,
“they can’t possibly be mine, thats something I would have never said”.

They say your name is ego.
Where did you come from?
And why don’t you leave?
Why do you insist on being a part of me?

You seek to find identity within the vastness of my mind
Often creating a sense of self that feels its superior to mine.

By denying your existence,
I am negating a part of my self.
Although you will always linger,
your demands and negativity will be quelled.

It is important to be mindful every single moment,
That I am the one in control of my emotions.

I have the ability to live a life free from negativity,
the key is believing that I can be anything I want to be.

If I decide I want to be happy,
who are you to take it away from me?
You fill my mind with doubt and worry,
whispering that I am not worthy.

I proceed to think I am battling myself,
but it is you, and has always been,
it is the ego within.

When I feel anger, I know its you.
Trying to bait me into making me look like a fool.
You tempt me to act out on my emotions,
to act before I think and cause a commotion.

When I feel sadness, I know its you.
You lure me into depression,
You make me think that I deserve what I’m going through.

Today is the day, I put an end to you.
The only reason you’ve come this far is because I have allowed you to.
But now I am conscious of your methods and deceit..
I can be anything I want to be.
And in every moment I will choose to be happy.

 

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Who and Why

Photo on 1-18-16 at 4.52 PM #3

Hi, my name is Karina. I am a twenty-six year old girl, traveling down an unknown path. I am filled with relentless thoughts and an unwavering ambition. I strive for perfection knowing it is non-existent. I am constantly seeking knowledge and always questioning what is. My mind is mutable therefore my beliefs are fluid. I accept that I will never have all my “whys” answered, yet I continue to ask them. I became infatuated with understanding my mind and who “I AM”, about eight years ago. Sometimes I worry that I am crazy. I am in love with the idea of love but I don’t know how to be “in love” with someone. I am impatient, messy and indecisive. I get frustrated with myself because I give into what my body wants, more often than what my mind says I should do. I am an open book and put myself “out there” more than I should. I overanalyze everything until I forget what I was originally contemplating.

Amongst the chaos that runs rampant in my life, my mistakes and heartaches have definitely catapulted me into being a better person. I have figured out so much about myself in the past eight years that although, I don’t know exactly where I’m going, I know I am on the right path. I have always tried to impress people and make my self seem more appealing that I began losing sight of who I really was. I realized that I needed to shed everything and everyone and really embrace who I am and what I want.

With that being said, I am on WordPress to relieve myself of all the emotions that currently inhabit my mind and soul. I feel that when I write, my fingers just start typing away and the outcome always seems to enlighten me and shift my perspective. I write without expectations and write with passion. I write because I love. I write for you and I write for me.

I would really appreciate any feedback, criticism, anything that you feel you would like to share.